The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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