Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
