I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
