I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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