Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
