I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
