oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
