she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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