What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
