i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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