Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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