I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
