she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can you bring me the toilet please
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
