i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
