Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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