Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
