Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
