just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
