My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
