you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
