The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
