This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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