You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
