Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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