I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
