Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
