he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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