FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
