Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
