Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
