my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
