apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
