Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
