I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
