His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
