so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he just fucked me for my cheese..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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