Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
