i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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