Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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