Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
