we're blogging at a bar
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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