Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
