Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
