Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
