You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
