Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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