i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
