I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
