So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
