My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
