If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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