There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I intend to get homeless drunk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
