a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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